


you do not have to be good

by Isi7140



Category: Young Wizards - Diane Duane
Genre: A Wizard Alone, F/M, Friendship, Gen, No GWP Spoilers, Wizards at War, outsider pov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-28
Updated: 2016-03-28
Packaged: 2018-05-29 15:42:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6382546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Isi7140/pseuds/Isi7140
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It only takes a moment for the world to end.</p>
<p>A single word, a sudden movement, one tiny accident—and everything falls apart.</p>
<p>(Della Cantrell, and surviving the end of the world.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	you do not have to be good

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Independence1776](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Independence1776/gifts).
  * In response to a prompt by [Independence1776](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Independence1776/pseuds/Independence1776) in the [yw_christmasmarch2016](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/yw_christmasmarch2016) collection. 



> **Prompt:**
> 
> Outsider POV, whether in general or of _Wizards at War_ in specific.
> 
> I've always loved Della, so of course I had to take this prompt...
> 
> (Title from "Wild Geese" by Mary Oliver.)

It only takes a moment for the world to end.

A single word, a sudden movement, one tiny accident—and everything falls apart.

* * *

Della’s world ends on a Saturday.  It’s cool and clear, the sun is shining, and Della comes downstairs to find her parents sitting at the kitchen table.  Her mother clutches her drink, her father stares at the wood grain of the table as if he expects it to hold all the answers.  Neither of them look up as she enter the room.  A single sheet of paper lies discarded on the kitchen counter.

She knows before they tell her.

* * *

It’s already October by the time they move into the house in Hempstead, and the whispers fly the moment Della sets foot in the school.  She’s used to being an outcast, on the fringes of the social competition, she knows what to expect from the gossipers and mockers.  She doesn’t expect how much it hurts, their scathing glances and stage whispers, derisive laughs and crude suggestions.

She knows enough not to try and say hello.

* * *

The house is silent, and somehow worse.  Her mother leaves for work when it’s still dark and comes back too exhausted to speak.  She’s the color of paper, her eyes bruise-dark and empty, and when she falls asleep at the kitchen table Della doesn’t ask questions.  Her bedroom is no better; she shares it with Jacob now, and his resentful glances and smudged fingers tell Della everything she needs to know.

(She didn’t want any of this either.)

Her father won’t meet her gaze.  But there’s food in the fridge.  Usually.

* * *

In public, she closes herself off.  She makes herself a stone wall; impenetrable, unyielding, unfeeling.  She won’t let herself be hurt, not again.  She gives the whispers nothing.  She never speaks.  Her life is in pieces around her feet—no point in trying to build it back up now.

If she doesn’t let herself hope, she can’t be let down.

She goes to school, does her work, answers the teacher and no one else, takes the long way home.  It’s a routine that works, and she pretends that she’s always had an ache in her chest for _something more—_

Then:

“Della, right?  I’m Nita.”

The girl is smiling.

* * *

Things change, then, ever so slightly.  Nita isn’t scared away by Della’s blankness, and she doesn’t ask about Oceanside.  She asks about _Della_ , some, about favorite foods and movies and hobbies; but mostly she’s just there.  She doesn’t say why she’d chosen to speak to her, to the pariah with the dark and troubled past, and Della doesn’t need to ask. 

She gives short answers, at first, harmless ones, empty of sentiment.  Nita smiles and offers her own opinions, and soon enough Della knows enough about her anyway.  The whispers say that she’s a hopeless nerd, that she’s probably-dating the Rodriguez kid even though both of them deny it, that her sister is not to be underestimated, that her mom is dying, and that she doesn’t seem to care what the rumor mill makes of her.  Della listens, and the next day she asks Nita what she’d done last Friday.

* * *

When she comes home one day in late November, her mother is sitting at the kitchen table with an empty glass and red-rimmed eyes.  She looks up as Della closes the door.

“Del, why…” Her speech slurs.

“Mom, you should go to bed.”

“Why isn’t it working?  What are we doing wrong?”

“Mom, please—“

Her mother tries to get up and stumbles dangerously.  She catches herself on Della’s arms, and the sudden eye contact is shocking.

She’d never realized quite how small her mother was before.

“What am I supposed to be doing?  Please, tell me!”

“Mom.  You need to go to bed, you have work in the morning…”

Her mother half-collapses against her, faintly protesting.  Della leads her to the bedroom and tucks her in, setting out a glass of water on the nightstand.  She’s asleep in moments.

Della closes the door of her empty bedroom, slides down the wall and wraps her arms around herself.

“What am I supposed to do…”

* * *

When school starts up again after Christmas Break, Nita doesn’t say hello after History.  She doesn’t say anything at all.  She does her work, answers the teacher and no one else, doesn’t meet anyone’s gaze.  The Rodriguez kid casts her worried glances from the back of the class; she doesn’t meet those either.

Della listens, and it doesn’t take her long to learn that Elizabeth Callahan is dead.

The next day, Della sits down next to Nita at lunch.  She doesn’t speak, or look at her, but she feels Nita relax ever so slightly.

For the next month, Della sits next to her at least once a week.

* * *

When February comes, Nita asks if she’s ever tried Thai food.

Della allows herself a small internal smile.  (She hasn’t.)

* * *

Jacob is caught with six cans of spray paint, and the resulting fight is almost literally explosive.  The house is louder than she’s ever heard it, and for once, Della misses the deafening silence. Her brother stares defiantly at their furious father, her mother is crying.  Yet, even as he berates Jacob, her father’s gaze drifts up to Della.

_You should have done something._

* * *

Then Spring Break comes, and the world ends again.  Every headline predicts war, every country holds its breath in anticipation of the first gunshot.  Everything is crumbling around them, and Della doesn’t see a way out. 

At least when school starts again, for once the whispers aren’t about her.

(Della looks for Nita, the voice of hope and reason, but she isn’t there.  Neither is her sister, or the Rodriguez kid—and Della is afraid of more than nuclear bombs.)

* * *

_She dreams of a paper castle, of jewel-eyes and a choice.  She can’t remember what she said, but she knows it was important…_

* * *

The world blinks.

The world puts itself back together, headlines are confused but relieved, and Nita Callahan comes back to school.  Her grey eyes are tired, but she smiles at Della.

“Hey, Del.”

Della doesn’t answer for a second.  She breathes in, out.

“What am I supposed to be doing?”

Nita _looks_ at her, suddenly serious.

“The world falls apart and puts itself back together and we’re just supposed to go on living like nothing happened?  And anyway my mom and dad aren’t putting things back together, and my brother just makes it all worse, and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.  I don’t know.  Tell me, please?  What am I supposed to do?”

Della hasn’t spoken this much since that Saturday in September, and the sudden emotion leaves her breathless.  She stares at Nita, hoping for… something.

Nita takes a second to answer.  “I think… you have to make a choice.  To fix things, when no one else will.  To put the world back together, because sometimes it’s worth saving.  And know that you can make a difference, if you try.”

Nita’s eyes are far away now, straying to the pale sliver of moon still visible in the sky.  Della watches her, thinks of her mother’s hot chocolate, her father’s hugs, her brother’s smile.

“ _Yes_ ,” she whispers.

* * *

(When they come back to school after Summer Break, Nita Callahan and Kit Rodriguez are holding hands.

Della smiles.)


End file.
